to shop or not to shop??

i've been following a couple blogs who have raised the walmart topic. oooo, it can get scary. it seems people have BIG opinions on this issue. the issue being, big corporation over little, bad food over good, cheap prices over high. i think the scary part is how easy it is to judge. that for me is the issue. i have had five babies at home. with my first, i thought that hospitals were evil giants and doctors were just dying for me to have a c-section. my friends who gave birth in the hospital? well, they were uneducated on the dangers lurking in those sterile halls...they had not the enlightenment i had and they DEFINITELY were wimps for not going natural.by my fourth, i was ready to schedule that section and coudn't an anesthesiologist come to my house? in this whole process of having kids i've come to the realiztion that babies are going to come out no matter where they are, they don't care. what MATTERS is the mom getting to decide where and how. if that's at home, great. if that's at the hospital, great. if it's unmedicated, great. if it's not, great. the whole point is that the mom feels comfortable and at peace with the choice of where and how...without worrying about others judging her decision. i guess what i'm trying to say is this...people should decide for themselves what is the best thing for them and their family and to judge said people is plainly wrong. so if you want to shop at walmart, great. if you want to eat food containing partially dehydrogenated soybean oil, great. if you boycott certain stores, great. ifyou eat only organic, great. the reality is that there will always be the big guy and the little guys, the bad vs. the good. the cheap and the not so cheap. the OTHER reality? it all ends up coming out our asses one way or another.

life isn't SO bad.

later that evening, the girl in the previous post known to spontaneously combust who had just earlier let me know in no uncertain terms that she hated me and never wanted to be near me again, came down beside me. i said, "i thought you were never going to be by me again". she said "oh, i changed my mind about that". i'm in total and complete fear of the teenage years. i've also realized that she is my first girl. i'm used to boys. they are a little more simple. not as prone to outbursts. not as emotional. you'd think i'd have it down, being a girl myself, but i am completely clueless.

the rest of life is busy. we have had something every weekend and now that soccer is over, it's time for basketball.

the holidays are coming and i'm kind of excited. okay, i'm excited. i like this time of year. it seems to have come faster than last year.i think having had a baby in the middle of summer made it seem like there was not much summer.

anyway, my kids really are great. they just have moments. and sunday was ONE BIG MOMENT. and i really was just venting. i would not change my life and crazily enough i would not change my kids.

what to do???

i have a 6 year old daughter who regularly tells me she hates me and that she never wants to be by me again. i'm to the point that it does not shock me anymore. it makes me weep. our kids seem so angry right now. (the older ones) i'm not sure what to do. if i witnessed their behaviour from afar i would definitely call them selfish brats. i never intended for life to be this way. my children are not kind, they are not joyful, they are not peaceful. i am at the end of my rope. our household feels completely chaotic. i want to start over. i want to have a two year old and a baby and begin again. if anyone has any thoughts PLEASE share them.