can't let it rest....

okay, lest i let anyone think from my last couple of posts about church and kids that i don't like to be away from them...i DO like to get away from mine. i'd just rather it be going to a movie or out to dinner or shopping..(preferably at places very un kid friendly.) i DO understand people wanting to go to church and take their kids to the kids thing. a few years ago, before i had lots of babysitting and when my kids were way littler and we were in a house church and i usually ended up with the kids alot of the time, i really wanted to go to a BIG church where my kids could be watched by saner, more loving, caring adults and i could have an hour of sitting. my problem was that i wanted to drop my kids off and run over to target! life has changed, my kids have gotten older and spend alot of time at their friends houses (and vice versa), david is home more and i've made more friends and dont' feel as alone as i did a few years ago. PLUS, we have parents in town who are able to babysit quite a bit. it is hard with just one or two little ones. i swear, the answer is to keep having them! :) it really only gets easier the older they are.

SO, i got to see my lovely friend sharon this past weekend. aaaahh....it was like a breath of fresh air. there is noone like sharon bell! i also went on a girls overnight stay in a motel and go shopping trip. it was fun. life is very full at the moment and i am thankful.

lots of thoughts

i like hearing the comments and opinions to my last few posts. i think i've come to the conclusion that the church thing is like birth. there are lots of different options and the way i choose to do it absolutely would not work for someone else and vice versa. SO, in talking with a friend who attends a church meeting that we've been to a few times and have various other friends who go there, i think we're going to sorta start our own thing. the goal is to have a worship time with adult worship songs...have toys and art stuff around for kids....then have a discussion led thing that involves the older kids who might have questions or comments. the cool thing is that there are a few college age people at this church who are interested in this "family type" format. in fact, a couple of them grew up in churches where there was no nursery. our thought is for it to feel like our living room, but not. i guess that would be a house church! we want parents to feel completely comfortable bringing their 2 year old in and if someone is loud or cries, they don't have to feel like they have to rush out to the hall. it's kind of sounding like soup nite with worship in a cool old building!

i've been exercising at night. the only drawback is that i'm too wound up to go to bed.

i've also started a support group/bible study on monday nights called "thin within". i did weigh down a few years back and lost about 60 lbs..in between pregnancies i was able to get back down to the size i became on weigh down. well, the weigh down lady got a little weird in the past couple of years, so i didn't really want to have that study again in my house. SO, i found thin within. it's the same concept as weigh down, just way more grace oriented and anyone can join the group..you don't have to pay every time or even once to be in. it really is more of a support group. there are four of us and we just started this week. i really feel this is a lifelong eating concept and i can't imagine going back to eating the way i did before. the website is thinwithin....IF anyone is interested.


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more about boogers, GOD and sticky hands

in conversing more about the church topic with others, an older, wiser friend stated the whole thing about going through seasons. it's kind of the same thing my friend kelli commented. that the church thing is a living, breathing thing. always changing, never the same. in truth, church to me would really be some type of co-housing situation. i know there are various community things going on which are great, but why try to "have church" on top of it? why can't daily life...living together, working together, eating together...be church? why does there have to be set aside times where children have to be segregated and THAT be called church? i started thinking about the origins of segregated worship services. surely in the early new testament church it was more about living together....which probably included children running amuck. my thoughts moved to myself as a child. i hated JR. church. i so wanted to be in the big service sitting with my mom. i remember going to my grandma's church. it was small and we divided up for sunday school but then came back together for the service. i loved sitting in the pew by my grandma digging through her purse, chewing all the gum, eating all the candy while she fanned me (there was no air conditioning) with the JESUS fan as i stared at the stained glass sweaty and in amazement at how quiet i really could be. i felt connected. connected to something bigger. i may not have understood what it all meant, but i felt loved and a part of the whole. is there something missing when we ship our kids off to be entertained. do we have so little faith in them as people? we assume they will distract our worship when, in fact they could teach us so much more than we could dream. so, when DID having a separate thing for kids begin? did someone somewhere think kids were bored in the big worship? is it really about not being distracted? does anyone REALLY know? one of my friends with 6 kids is catholic. the mass they choose to go to is all in latin. their children sit with them through the service and have even begun to understand. there is something cool and ancient about this to me. i also love that at the house of prayer, kids move in and out. people move in and out. worship goes on. prayer goes on. you can sense the power of GOD there. you can feel it. kids dance. big people pray. i'm rambling....it's late and my thoughts are jumbled.

oh....cora was just up and i got a little angry with her...i mean it IS 11pm. i spoke sharply to her and immediately felt bad about it. i told her i was really sorry for being angry and that i should not have talked to her that way. she said, "it's okay mom, it's always okay. anytime you get angry at me, i'll always forgive you" from the mouths of babes, people, from the mouths of babes.

she's got it right

isabel my almost 3 year old called me "HER MAJESTY" today.......

angie started it

julie needs to show off her womanly frame.
julie needs to bite the bullet.
julie needs to make sure people understand she has time-saving alternatives.
julie needs some more gold to dig.
julie needs YOUR HELP NOW!
julie needs to schedule another meeting.
julie needs to work on her parenting.
julie needs complete access in hallways.

p.s. angie, HOW do you do that link thing???

boogers, GOD, and sticky hands

i was thinking about Jesus saying "let the children come to me" and how if we want to enter the kingdom of heaven we must become like little children. obviously, i like children. seeing how i have 5 of them. my life is my kids. (and my hubby). my kids are my life. there isn't much separation. this is why i have a problem with most church meetings. it seems to me that when you go to a church meeting, kids are rarely welcomed with open arms. especially noisy kids. why is this? is it because they might stop GOD from showing up? they might break something? they might say the wrong thing at the wrong time? they might distract someone who is deep in some amazing, spine-tingling worship? for years, my husband and i have had dilemmas over this issue. we want to be involved in a church thing, but we want our kids to be with us. we really don't want to be separated. worshipping is a funny thing. everybody has their opinion on what it actually is. before i had kids, it was a rapturous experience with lots of hand-raising, singing, and that euphoric feeling. back then, that was my sign that GOD was there. i know for some, that is still the case. nowadays, my sign that GOD is here is when i see isabel playing dress up with her friend serenity. or when cora holds elias so i can fix dinner. or when avery makes christmas presents to give to us two months before christmas. or when aidan plays a lovely song on his guitar. or when my husband makes me coffee. finding GOD has become easier. and i don't have to go to some church meeting to see HIM. i've come to realize that HE"S here when i'm yelling at my kids and when i'm begging for their mercy, which is QUICK in coming. if i had not been raised going to church and did not feel like the community that surrounds it was important, then i would probably just give up on finding a place where my whole family fits. i heard someone say once that church meetings can be the most family dividing place there is. the minute you walk in everyone goes in different directions to find GOD. of course, i have no answers. i only know what i want. i mean, when you think about it, i really doubt that heaven will have a kids section so as not to disturb the adults who are worshipping GOD for eternity.....