surreal

this week has been. as a homeschooler, i am rarely without my five kids in tow. however, this week, avery and cora are at drama camp every day from 9:30-2:30. aidan has been skateboarding at the local skate park and having sleepovers at other friends houses. i am left with just my smaller kids. one of which naps a good bit and one who plays with neighbor friends a good bit. SO, i am experiencing what it would be like to have them away from me. i'm fine with the idea of someone else teaching them math, science, history, language arts. i'm fine with them developing friendships. i'm fine with the general idea of school. what i've had a hard time thinking about is who comforts them if they get hurt? or sad? or mad? when they are with me all day, i'm here for them. the school work will happen. they will learn. they will also have had the experience of having two adults in their life to run to. they have so much time to grow up. why should they have to now? i think i've realized that for me, this is the why of homeschool. it's not that i think i can give them a superior education ( i probably can't). it's not that i want them sheltered ( they've learned most of the bad words from me). it's not that i want to control them (i've learned that it's insane to try to control your kids...they have that thing called a "MIND").
it's that i want to be the one to put a bandaid on their wounds. i want to eat lunch with them. i want to hear their silly jokes. i want to be driven part crazy by their arguements. i want my house to be noisy all day. i want to see their eyes light up when they "get" some idea. these are the reasons i homeschool. so, my kids being gone this week has been surreal. strange. not the norm.